Randy Knoll, a veteran from Jacksonville, and Jim Davis the veterans service officer of DAV Chapter 16 in Jacksonville, work at the DAV office Thursday morning. Knoll and Davis suffer from traumatic brain Injury.
John Sudbrink / The Daily NewsPublished: Sunday, March 9, 2014 at 14:22 PM.
Just because you can’t see it doesn’t mean it’s not there.
Each year, at least 1.7 million Americans suffer traumatic brain injuries, which according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention are caused by a bump, blow or jolt to the head or a penetrating injury that disrupts normal function to the brain. While not all head injuries result in a TBI, the ones that do range from mild, where there is a brief change in mental status or consciousness, to severe, where there is an extended period of unconsciousness or amnesia after the injury.
When Donald Wallace, 68, of Sneads Ferry was attacked in 2012, he was diagnosed with a TBI that left him hospitalized for more than two week. Because of his injuries, Wallace still suffers from amnesia and cannot remember the week prior to the attack or two weeks afterward. While his attacker has been incarcerated for the assault, Wallace said that isn’t enough because he will suffer for the rest of his life while his attacker will eventually be set free to move on with his life.
“I think that I just have to live with my injuries and work with it and try to make the best of the cards I’ve been dealt,” Wallace said. “I’m hoping that things will get better. My gut tells me that things will get better but it also says that I need to accept who I have become.”
Becoming a different person following his injury has been difficult to accept even after almost two years of recovery. The hardest part for Wallace, he said, is having almost lost his wife because of his depression, anxiety and TBI-related issues. Prior to being diagnosed with a serotonin deficiency the two would constantly fight over little things — something that never occurred before the injury. After taking medication, things returned to normal but only after Wallace announced he wanted a divorce.
People just don’t understand the memory lapses, word-finding problems and mood swings it causes, he said.
“It’s been very difficult and I feel like I am going through my recovery each and every day,” he said. “I am nowhere near the same person I used to be and that truly bothers me. It bothers me because I suffer a lot of difficulties, some physical and some emotional. I feel like I’m not me anymore and it’s hard to relax.”
For his wife, Kim Wallace, 58, life has drastically changed for the couple because of his TBI, she said.
Because of his injuries he acted “out of character,” she said, and admitted that at one point she thought she had lost the man that she married. Having him announce he wanted a divorce was the hardest part of the whole ordeal, she said.
“It’s very different living with someone with a TBI,” she said. “Marriages are difficult anyway, but when you want to care for them and they are pushing you away it is even more difficult. Also, you don’t want to talk to people about it because you’re afraid of being embarrassed. Now, we talk about how thankful we are to have each other.”
During court proceedings against his attacker, Donald Wallace said he faced a judge who didn’t understand what a TBI was or the symptoms it causes for those who live with them. Kim Wallace said she has realized that even hospitals don’t know that much about TBI. She’d like to see organizations host workshops, make posters or do anything to increase awareness since so many people suffer from TBI, making it something that needs to be understood. The most important part people fail to realize, she said, is that every person with a TBI is unique in their symptoms and that although some symptoms overlap, no two people are the same.
“He probably hasn’t told me everything that he feels because he is somewhat private,” she said. “He absolutely loved ethnic restaurants; (but) because of his injuries, he can no longer enjoy it. His lack of sleep has been very stressful on him. He just can’t keep his brain quiet because of his anxiety. He gets very frustrated because of his memory and that he cannot remember things. It’s sad to see someone you love hurting.”
While TBI is something that occurs each and every day in the United States, it is also the signature wound of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. Predating those wars, Jim Davis, a veteran service officer for the Disabled American Veterans Chapter 16 of Jacksonville said he suffered a TBI in 1991 while serving in Kuwait as a Marine.
“Our vehicle was hit with an anti-tank missile and I was blown completely out of the back of the vehicle,” Davis said. “Myself and the guy in the turret were thrown out, but pulling machine gun duty is probably the only reason I am alive. Because of the blast I have severe light sensitivity and nerve over-sensitivity. It’s something that comes and goes. Some days I can’t even talk myself into getting out of bed. What’s hard for people to understand is it is not a 24-hour diagnosis. Things come and go when you least expect them.”
His TBI is also coupled with post-traumatic stress disorder, Davis said, causing him to severely adjust his shopping habits because of his fear of crowds. According to Davis, he has to pick and choose his battles; but having a child is the most difficult part because he feels bad saying he can’t do something when they really want to. Knowing what is the matter with him makes him feel less alone, he said, but being cognizant of his limitations is often a struggle and is the hardest to admit.
“You’re trained in the Marines to do everything it takes,” he said. “When you’re limited it makes you feel inferior. Some of the biggest problems I face are the effects my TBI has had on my marriage. I have an inability to get close to my wife now. I don’t like to be touched. We’ve been married for 20 years and divorced twice and remarried twice. I blame the PTSD and TBI. If I didn’t meet the psychiatrist I have now (I doubt) that we’d be married anymore. He was able to explain to her how and why I process things the way that I do.”
Because of his position with the DAV, Davis said his injuries make him uniquely qualified to connect with some veterans on a more personal nature because he can understand what they are going through, which often is a relief to those he is working with Having self-medicated in unhealthy ways in the past and having attempted suicide four times, Davis said he has come a long way from when he was first injured.
“The conversation about TBI is out there,” he said. “ ... We’re almost always willing to talk about it, and if we won’t there are resources available. Right now, TBI is a high profile thing so it blows my mind when people don’t know about it or don’t take advantage of the programs out there that are designed to teach you about it.
“If you want to know, just ask.”
http://www.jdnews.com/news/military/life-with-invisible-injuries-1.288747
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