UNDERSTAND MY ANGER

UNDERSTAND MY ANGER

I had an  instantaneous, unforeseen, insult to my head.
it's result and effect on my life has me so incredibly 

mad! All my many dreams of the future, my hopes and my 

goals,all changed and I can't help that it makes me 

incredibly sad.
 
You think and say that I look basically identical to 

before. You act like if I tried hard enough I could still 

be just the same. In your unrealistic expectation of 

trying to accept the new me, your pressure and demands have 

made me aware this is no game.

You all did the best you could but it has been very hard on 

all of you. You don't seem to understand why it has been such 

a torturous ordeal. Yet you must remember it isn't your life 

that has drastically changed, believe me when I tell you this 

heart-wrenching agony is very real.

Don't misunderstand that I am not grateful or immensely 

thankful, yes, I am very aware that my injury could be 

considerably worse. But just don't ask me to pretend it is 

easy or ask me to try and minimize. Because today, my life, 

my losses, my reality, feels very much like a curse.
 
Someday I am sure I will have the ability to let go of this 
incredible pain. But it has to be handled my way, in my time 

frame, not any demand of yours. Please just try to be patient 

and loving as I am truly doing the best I can. Some injuries 

and their aftermath unfortunately don't have 
instantaneous cures.

I think you would more easily understand and also been very 

greatly angry, if this injury, with such devastation, had 

unfortunately, instead happened to you. So please just try 

hard to have more patience and compassionate understanding,
if anything tragic should ever happen to you, I would stand 

beside you too..

My exasperation and fury come from my internal tremendous 

frustration, at all the things that were once easy, and now 

are so difficult for me to do. Please just try showing some 

real kindness and sincere empathy, remember  things are not 

nearly as easy for me to do as they are for you.
 
I used to never blow my top, I was considered as  gentle as 

a lamb. Now with these brain changes, I just can't really 

tolerate very much. I hate to loose my temper, it makes it 

hard to recognize who I am. Just try to understand me, and 

possibly give me a reassuring touch.

I don't like to allow myself such feelings of wrath or 

outrageous anger, over emotions I no longer seem to be able 

to keep under control. My agitation certainly doesn't mean 

I don't need love or feel appreciation, it just means that 

I am struggling very hard with this unwanted role...
 
by: Warsawa
    6-27-96