What If?

What If?

I always hated the what if? game.
What if? I had done this different.
What if? I had made this or that decision.
When my children played the what if? game,
I said what if? An elephant could fly?
What if, doesn’t really matter.
Because we must accept only what is.
I find myself, breaking my own rules now.
I play the what if? game in my mind.
What if? I hadn’t been in that parking lot.
What if? A teenager had not been careless.
What if? I had been able to move out of his way.
What if? It was not my brain that was injured.
What if? I had not had a career.
What if? My career had not meant so much to me.
What if? They had still wanted me anyway?
What if? Those old goals weren’t so important.
What if? Yesterday’s dreams could be forgotten.
What if? I could quit thinking about the other me.
What if? I had not started having seizures.
What if? I could still drive.
What if? I still believed in me.
What if? I felt there was a place for me again.
What if? I could figure out my purpose in life.
What if? I did not feel so inadequate.
What if? This black cloud did not hover over-head.
What if? I could give myself a little compassion.
I was right, what if? doesn’t matter,
Because we must accept Only what is.

by: Warsawa
    3-4-96